First Marriage

Yes, there was a first marriage.  My first husband and I met in college. We lived in the same dormitory and had a lot of the same friends.  He is a wonderful person, but we grew apart as we closed in on our thirties.  He was much more content to be a home body, while I wanted to travel and explore.  When we both received promotions and moved to a new city, the relationship fell apart without our friends and what was familiar around us to hold it together. I would venture to guess that he and I would still be together if I had worked as hard on my first marriage as I am on my current one.  But we were young and did not have children and it was easy to go our separate ways.

No matter how hard I tried to tell my first husband that I was not happy and that we needed to explore ways to make our relationship better, it never happened.  Before moving to take on our new jobs, I got a maternal urge.  But he was not interested in having children, at least not then.  I had no children, no fun, just work and a distant spousal relationship.  I went to a counselor for the second time in our marriage.  I had told the therapist that my husband just wasn’t interested in changing the relationship.  We had never been adversarial or really fought.  Maybe that was part of the problem.  I wanted him to tell me that he loved me and would do anything to make things work.  It wasn’t the case.  When I brought him to the counselor with me, he was a blank slate.  After a session with my husband the counselor looked at me as if she clearly understood  what I had been describing in my previous counseling sessions.  She validated what I understood to be indifference on his part to work on the relationship.  I was interested in moving on and he gave me no reason to stay.

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