Yes, there was a first marriage. My first husband and I met in college. We lived in the same dormitory and had a lot of the same friends. He is a wonderful person, but we grew apart as we closed in on our thirties. He was much more content to be a home body, while I wanted to travel and explore. When we both received promotions and moved to a new city, the relationship fell apart without our friends and what was familiar around us to hold it together. I would venture to guess that he and I would still be together if I had worked as hard on my first marriage as I am on my current one. But we were young and did not have children and it was easy to go our separate ways.
No matter how hard I tried to tell my first husband that I was not happy and that we needed to explore ways to make our relationship better, it never happened. Before moving to take on our new jobs, I got a maternal urge. But he was not interested in having children, at least not then. I had no children, no fun, just work and a distant spousal relationship. I went to a counselor for the second time in our marriage. I had told the therapist that my husband just wasn’t interested in changing the relationship. We had never been adversarial or really fought. Maybe that was part of the problem. I wanted him to tell me that he loved me and would do anything to make things work. It wasn’t the case. When I brought him to the counselor with me, he was a blank slate. After a session with my husband the counselor looked at me as if she clearly understood what I had been describing in my previous counseling sessions. She validated what I understood to be indifference on his part to work on the relationship. I was interested in moving on and he gave me no reason to stay.