Then – February 1, 1998
I am so scared. I can’t even explain how I feel. I don’t feel right. I feel so insecure. This is not like me. Will this be okay? I didn’t feel any connection to him today on the phone. I only felt it when I was on my own. Why? Is the magic going away already or am I just scared? I know I love him. I miss him so much. I am so upset, but I can’t call him. It’s too late – although he is probably up. Will I take second place to his work? Will we be happy? Will he love me? Can I make him happy? I feel like I’m slipping away and I can’t hold on. I’m tired. Tired of packing, moving, and changes. Can I hold on until I get to New York? Can I get through more changes in my life? Will I be happy? Is he right for me? In reality only time will tell. I need to look into his eyes. Five more days.
Now – I still don’t have the answers to these questions. Perhaps it’s a problem that I am still asking the same questions 15 years later.