Would He Want this for His Own Daughter?

Then – February 2, 1998

He called me at 6:30 this morning.  He told me he knew I was upset by the way I was acting yesterday on the phone and he had expected to have this morning’s conversation last night.  If he hadn’t been so distracted by work maybe we would have.  I felt a lot better after talking with him.  I’m so glad he can do that for me.  I actually had a pretty good day.  I made several phone calls, worked on my resume, mailed cookies and brownies to him, went to the gym – yeah!  I got stuff done.  I also talked to some good friends.  This weekend is going to be fun.  I thank god for all the good friends I have and all the wonderful things that are happening in my life.  I just hope I can keep up with all the changes.

Now

Now there are no phone calls at 6:30am.  I feel like I am just left to wonder where he is in relation to our marriage.  Even if I ask him, he doesn’t seem to know.  We are just drifting from one day to the next.  How do I trust that he is not just biding his time until the kids are older?  Waiting to divorce me?  When I tell him that I am not happy and that I want to have a relationship with him, he does not seem interested in making things better.  When I express that I am frustrated enough that I cannot live like this, he asks me if the kids do not count.  Of course they count.  But what kind of parent am I going to be if I am unhappy in a major component of my life?  My husband is supposed to be the one I lean on.  Instead I feel like he’s the biggest road block for me being happy and myself.  Would he want this type of relationship for his own daughter?

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