Personal Potential

Then – February 25, 1998

We’ll it looks like I’ll be writing about once a week.  Things have been really busy.  He is at the Connecticut office today and usually stays to play racquetball after work, so I’m assured one evening a week on my own.

Today I took the subway uptown by myself and walked around Midtown.   I had to ask a young man which way was north on the subway train.  What a rookie.  After my appointment with the recruiter, I went back to St. Patrick’s Cathedral for ashes, as it is Ash Wednesday.  It is an amazing church.  I think I’d like to go there regularly.  I really felt good there.

My appointment was with a Human Resources placement person.  I’m hoping that after April 3rd, when I am back in NY after training my replacement, I get some interviews and land a job!  I can’t take the thought of being unemployed for long!  I can’t stand the thought of being dependent.

My furniture hasn’t arrived yet and we are supposed to leave Friday for our beach vacation.  I’m sure the vacation will be amazing.  I need to let myself enjoy this for awhile.  One of my best friends said to let the universe take care of me for a while.  She hasn’t steered me wrong yet.  I love my friends.

Now – I am unemployed and dependent.  In a little more than two years, my youngest will be in middle school.  I look at job posts and wonder how to make it all work.  Children  aren’t young for long.  I want to be here when they get home from their school day.  I want to be able to take them on vacations during their breaks.  I also want to go on vacations!

Talking with a friend that I have known since we went to middle school together, we were wondering how we got to where we are today.  She and I competed for school awards and honors and shared most of them between us at graduation from high school.  We attended college, started careers, yet we both opted to stay home when our children were born.  We wonder about our potential versus the outcome of our lives as of today.  I don’t resent being a stay home mom, but do wonder about lost potential.  I’m proud of my philanthropic accomplishments and enjoy the freedom of not working, but still think about a career.  There is still a lot of life left.

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