Anniversary

It’s hard to believe that we were married fifteen years ago today, a little more than a year after I moved in with him.  All the hopes and expectations that were wrapped up into that one day seem so unrealistic to me now.  How do people make it together for decades and still enjoy looking into each others eyes?  I guess I am just not meant to be one of those people.

No mention was made of our anniversary today until I snippily brought it up after he had done something else to upset me.  I was just a ticking time bomb and although I would have liked to get through the day with my dignity, I knew it was only a matter of when I would make note of his not mentioning it.   I have to admit I didn’t say anything today either, but I had planned for us to go to dinner over the weekend and then again tonight, but it’s been a long several days of me being sick and we never got to go out.  He’s been attentive and helpful during my illness.  Somehow I thought he’d at least mention our anniversary today and suggest we go out another time.  Did he just forget or did he remember and not say anything?

Why do I need him to say something?  Why couldn’t I just have said Happy Anniversary this morning?  I knew it was not going to be happy and I couldn’t get the words out.  What do you say on your anniversary when it’s not happy?  Both of us are to blame.

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