Then – March 31, 1998
Well it’s the three month anniversary of being together. Quite possibly the most exciting three months of my life. We went to Vegas last weekend and had a great time. We actually got some pictures together – yeah! My soon to be ex employees also went and we spent time with them too. I had the most fun losing money with him at the Hard Rock Hotel and playing simulation games at the arcade at NYNY. We really do have a great time together.
My soon to be ex husband got a concussion over the weekend and is back in the hospital tonight for tests. I hope he’s okay. I love him so much and hate to see him troubled. It’s going to be very strange not to have him in my life. I do care about him. I just had to leave. I would do anything for him, but stay in our marriage.
Now – If I had worked as hard on my first marriage as I have on my second, we would probably still be married. Thirty didn’t seem young, but looking back, I see how young and naïve I was leaving my first husband. Of course it’s different this time because we have two children. I am certain I would have thought longer and harder about divorcing the first time, if we had had children together.
Lately I have been going through the motions of being a couple. Last year my therapist used the term “fake it til you make it”. Kind of funny, but I do think by going through the motions of being kind and making gestures that might go a tad beyond what I am actually feeling for him can only bring on more kindness. In a way it feels like living with a stranger, but at times I think we can be nicer to strangers than we are to those with whom we are close. So much negativity over the last few years. This is one strategy I am trying to use to help me overcome the past and move forward.