Nice Gestures

Then – April 3, 1998

I’m on the plane again.  This time home to New York for good.  My ex is doing better, however still on medication.  I’ll have to call him next week after his doctor’s appointment.  He and I get along so well.  What went wrong?

I was very sad to say good-bye to everyone this week.  The people at work have been like my family for the past year.  I am so thankful for them.  On Wednesday  I went out to a friend’s new house in Canyon Country.  She is so excited to be moving in.  Last night I went to another soon to be ex employee’s  “shack”,  as she calls it.  She cooked dinner for another friend and me.  It was delicious.  She is an amazing creative spirit.  I will miss them all.

I am very excited to be going back to NY.  I can’t wait to see my cat.  Of course my boyfriend too, but I’ve seen him twice since I left.  I’ve only heard my cat meow on the phone.

I’m starting my life over.  I think it’s going to be great.  Tomorrow I’m going to pick up a 1995 Jag XJS?  I’m not sure about this.  I’m very flattered that he put it in both of our names.  We really are a couple.  That gesture means more to me than any car ever could.  I think we’ll have fun with it though.  I can’t wait to see the leaves in the fall.  I want to see everything in NYC and then move and start another chapter in our lives.   Who knows – maybe we’ll love NYC and stay even longer than planned.

Now – Just got back from trip to NYC.  It was hard to be with people who care about me and are fun and nice and then come back to my husband.  While away I sent him a picture of a place in NYC where we used to go to get gelato when we lived there.  I also left him some Easter peeps for Easter morning.  Yet I come back to negative comments and I feel like he’s treating me like something on the bottom of his shoe.  Why can he not have any goodwill towards me?  Are we both not supposed to be making the best of things and trying to make things better?

After asking him about his behavior he came around.  Not sure what the problem was.  I pointed out that emailing the picture and getting the peeps show that I am thinking about him.  They are nice gestures.  He didn’t seem to see this until after I mentioned it.  He’s being more pleasant.

I cannot leave him wondering if I’ve given it all I’ve got.  I cannot walk away wondering if I could have done better for my kids.  I need to know that I have done all I could to hold it together.  I want to do what’s right for my family – for my children.

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