All About Then May 16, 1998
It’s been a long while since I’ve written. My sister and her boyfriend have been here for a week. We had a lot of fun. They go home tomorrow. I love her a ton. I hope they can find lasting happiness together.
I just realized not two minutes ago that it was a year ago today that my first marriage was really over. I can’t tell you how different my life is now or how thankful I am that it has changed. I am so much happier and such a different person. I love my current boyfriend so much, I can’t even begin to explain how he makes me feel. He is sick tonight and not that happy. I just want him to feel better.
May 19, 1998 1:20 am
I am too tired to sleep and really upset. I get up several hours earlier than he does every day, work 13 hour days, and come home to get questioned because I haven’t reschedule the cleaning lady. Needless to say I got mad and then got an attitude from him in return. I tried to go to sleep at 11pm. He decides he wants to talk at 11:45. I talk. Now I’m woken up to the point I can’t go back to sleep afterwards. It’s 1:20am, I’m still awake and he’ll wonder why I’m tired at 7am. What is up with this? I can get no rest living alone for better reasons.
I miss Los Angeles and my friends and feeling independent. I feel trapped and caged in here. I’m tired of him talking down to me about how I am taking my job too seriously. What the hell does he know? While I sit here I am looking at the books I sent him months ago. These are books that are really important to me that he doesn’t take a bit of interest in. I can’t tell him I want him to read them. I want him to want to read them because I gave them to him. I’m extremely exhausted. Why can’t I sleep? I am so angry at him for being able to fall asleep that I could scream. All I’m doing is making myself sick. I don’t get enough rest. I do whatever he wants me to. I need to keep myself intact, but I feel like I’m slipping away. How can I help myself if I can’t even sleep? I dread tomorrow, but as always, I’ll find a way to get through it.
May 19, 1998 7:30am
The scribbling of a mad woman. I’m just happy to be up and standing another day. I still feel like wringing his neck, but that too will pass. Let’s just get through the day and go for a run tonight and get some sleep.