Sad and Lonely

Then – June 13, 1998

I felt so depressed yesterday.  We were supposed to go to a two day concert today and tomorrow, but it’s rainy and he has to work.  I’m going to try to call a friend to see if she wants to do something.  I’d even go out to the suburbs for the day.

I think I am making a friend at work with one of our consultants.  He is a character and a lot of fun.  He really makes me feel good.  He’s gay, so there are no sexual issues.  For some reason gay men are the best friends.  I hope we can develop a relationship outside of work too. On Thursday night I went to another coworker’s home and met a few of her friends.  Cute apartment, nice husband, nice friends, it was all so very nice, and yet boring.

Yesterday I got lots of email, even one from my ex husband.  He is going to our friend’s wedding next weekend and taking his new girlfriend.  I think it’s very exciting and can’t wait to see pictures.  I miss all of my friends and my social life very much.  I know things take time, but it really makes me homesick.  Plus the fact that my boyfriend is working this weekend really makes me sad.

Now – After a while I did make some friends in NYC.  It wasn’t long before we moved to Connecticut and I started over again.  Five years later we decided to move to Atlanta.  We’ve been here for several years now and I’m happy to say I have a great social network!

Last night we connected with some friends we had not seen in almost two years.  Our daughters had been friends as well and were clearly delighted to be reunited.  It felt odd to be in their house and be with my spouse but not feel connected as a couple.  It was suggested that we stay sometime at their family home in Italy, with or without them.  They have offered before.   I know they are sincere.  Less than two blocks from the Mediterranean Sea.  The husband suggested I could even go on my own.  On my own?  Actually not that unappealing.

Very recently I told my husband that I would like to do some traveling; that there are places that I’d like to visit now while the children are too young to enjoy them.  Truthfully I’d like to visit these places before I am too old to enjoy them!  I pointed out that he does not seem interested in venturing.  I am often criticized by him for wanting to travel more often than he.  Nor has he been receptive to us going off on our own without the children.  I let him know that my sister and I had a long list of places we’d like to visit and that we’d like to do a trip together annually.

He said he was not opposed to traveling and he did want to go places.  Good news, but I’d like to see first if we can manage to go out to dinner together and feel like a couple.  When I am with him it’s still easy to feel sad and lonely.

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