Sometimes I Just Don’t Want to Be Around Him

Then – July 14, 1998

Where to begin when so many days have gone by?  Last Friday he was a crab, but he got over it by Saturday morning.  Sometimes I just don’t want to be around him.  How can I love him so much and want to be away from him?

Sunday I went to Central Park and lay in the sun.  It was great.  I will definitely do that again.  I also went for a run.  Most importantly we got a kitten.  She’s beautiful.  She’s ours.  This is his first real pet.  He took her to work and is really enamored with her.  It’s very cute.  My old cat is getting used to her too.

Yesterday and today I’ve been ill, low energy, sleepy, headache.  I only went to work for a few hours yesterday and stayed home today.  I got a massage, the most awesome massage of my life.  He paid for it.   It was really sweet of him.  It was amazing.  So now my head doesn’t hurt, but I still have zero energy.

I want to feel good.  I want to feel happy.  I don’t feel either.

Now – Things had been pretty good until a couple days ago.  The terseness began.  He left without coming over to say good bye in the morning (did get a shout from the door however).  The next evening I pointed out that he seemed to have a bit of an attitude, which he denied.   I decided to go to tennis.  Sometimes I just don’t want to be around him.  He was more pleasant afterwards.  We’ll see how he is this morning.  We’ll see how quickly he recovers.

I can’t help but wonder if it didn’t have something to do with his sister calling to see if he and our son wanted to go to a baseball game with them.  He’s not going to go.  He’s going to email his sister instead of calling her back.  I really think deciding how to deal with the phone call and invite upset his balance.  At least he’s okay with our son going with his aunt, uncle and cousin to the game.

It seems like life is so much simpler if we are all just nice to each other.  Surely I don’t get along with everyone, but I am pleasant.  I don’t avoid real problems with people that need to be discussed.  He says I’m being fake, but really I’m just being my best self.  I don’t have to spend hours with people I don’t align with, but surely I can make an effort to be kind when necessary.


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