Real Life

Then – July 26, 1998

I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster.  Today I leave for Denver and I know I could never decide to be apart from him forever.  Two days is hard enough.  I love him with all my heart.

We had a great weekend.  We went to an amazing restaurant for dinner.  We talked about us during dinner too, which appears to be a good thing.  I love him with all my heart and very being.  I ate and drank so much that I couldn’t keep my eyes open at the end of the evening.  I guess if you pay that much for dinner, you can nap.

Yesterday we played golf and went to dinner with a gentleman from his work.  Golf was okay. I just want to do better.  We had dinner at a bar-b-que restaurant and then got ice cream cones and walked around. We got a new print for the living room.  It should be here Thursday.   I’m enjoying building our lives together.

The highest highs and the lowest lows, I don’t know if he’ll ever understand how much I love him.

Now – I remember so clearly wanting to lift my head off his shoulder when the waiter came around to settle our check.  What a night.  One of my best meals in Manhattan ever.  Looking back it seems when things started to get rocky between us early in our relationship, he’d pull out the charm again and sweep me off my feet.  It was almost like a drug filling me completely, making me so hopeful that we would never have a bad day again!  But this is stuff of fairy tales and not real life.  I so wanted the fairly tale.  Real life takes a lot of work.

Now things are more balanced.  I try not to let the bad days get too bad.  When it’s going well, I try not to get too enthusiastic.  I try to remember to be even, respectful, mindful.  While hindsight is 20/20, I’m trying to be a mindful observer of our relationship now.

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