He Needs To Be In This For Me Too

Then – September 15, 1998

It’s been a long week.  I went to Boulder on Thursday and returned Sunday to quite the scene at home.  He can make me so volatile that I can’t take being around him.  I’m not sure what to do.  I really just want us to be happy.  I think it was the pressure of being gone and seeing each other that did it.  Once we made up it was great.  I just feel pushed to the point of exploding.  I shake I get so mad.

Boulder was good.  Friends from work and I ran two mornings and also did a little mountain biking and swam in the river.  We were all wet from biking in the rain, so it really didn’t matter if we dove into the river.  It was fun.  I am very happy to be home, but work is very busy.  The fall seems like it is going to be a busy one.  Hopefully London will happen.  I can’t wait for Thanksgiving.  It should be great.  I want to see my sister and everyone back in California!

Now – It’s been glorious.  He has been gone for 4 days at a friend’s daughter’s wedding.  He won’t be back until tomorrow.  My sister came to surprise the kids and we all spent last night out of town for my daughter’s rock climbing competition this morning.  We are back home and tonight she and I will go out to dinner.  I’ll be sad once she’s gone and he’s back!

I visited an attorney this week.  He’s not convinced my marriage is over and is sending me to a marriage counselor to discuss.   He also recommended a therapist to discuss how to handle things with the children – someone they could see down the road.

I will offer to go to counseling with my husband, but if he’s not willing, I think I’ve no other choice but to plan to file for a divorce.  He needs to be in this for me too, not just the kids.  We both deserve that much.

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