Holding Pattern

Then – October 15, 1998

Time goes so quickly.  The moms came and went.  I love my mom, but she is so morose and sad.  I tried to have a good time with her, but it just wasn’t.  I’m sure she noticed.  By the end of the visit as usual, I just wanted her to go.  It’s very disappointing.  I just don’t enjoy her company.

We went to Phantom of the Opera, the bar in Rockefeller Center, Tavern on the Green, mass at Saint Patrick’s Cathedral, and wandered around downtown.  Monday I worked.  Tuesday we had brunch, went downtown, took a boat ride to Staten Island and back, and went to the Seaport.  We had dinner at an Italian restaurant with an old friend of my mother’s.

Last night I went to the City Opera with a friend.  It was amazing.  The voices and the emotion are incredible.  I’m really looking forward to our tickets to the next opera being on a Sunday, so hopefully I won’t be so tired.

We may be going to London the week of October 26th! I am keeping my fingers crossed.  Either way it’s okay.  It would be fantastic to go though.

Marcus was wonderful with the moms.  I wish there were something I could do to thank him.  He’s the best, but has a cold and is cranky…

Now – This weekend I visited family in Chicago with the kids, while Marcus stayed home.  The children think it’s odd that he not go with us.  They see his behavior and question it.  Happy to be home.  Marcus took the kids to his “workshop” today.  They had some things they wanted to build.  I’m just hopeful they come home with all their fingers and their eyesight.

While I wished Marcus would come with us, it’s a relief that he did not.  I made him feel welcome to change his mind and join us, but it’s just easier without him.  When he is somewhere I know he’d rather not be, it makes me uncomfortable and unable to relax with people I care about.  Just as well he stayed home.

Marcus and I usually get along when we are not together.  Texting and calling seem safe.  We continue to make plans for the future.  I’m trying to focus on the positive and not get too impatient.  There is so much I want to do and I want a partner to do it with!

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